What is masturbation?

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Male Masturbation Frequently Asked Questions - Masturbation FAQ’s

What is masturbation?

Masturbation is sexual activity involving only one person. It is sexual self-stimulation, often, but not necessarily, involving manipulation of the sexual organs by hand. In the US this is commonly known as "jacking off." In the UK the term "wanking" is common. On this newsgroup the term "jilling off" is sometimes used to mean female masturbation. "Mutual masturbation" is a slightly incorrect term that means using the hands to stimulate another person. More correctly, this would be called "manual sex," and it is only "mutual" if each partner stimulates the other.Group masturbation is masturbation in a group of two or more people. This is sometimes known as a "circle jerk." In a.s.m. "Jacks" applies to clubs or parties for the purpose of group masturbation, usually involving only males, "Jack-and-Jill" is applied to parties and clubs for people of both sexes, and "Jills" would be the term for parties or clubs for women only. Sometimes group masturbation involves mutual masturbation and sometimes it doesn't. In organized groups there usually are rules that make clear what is allowed and what isn't.

How does a man masturbate?

The most common method is by wrapping the fingers around the erect penis and then stroking it up and down until ejaculation. Another common method is to rub the erect penis against something, like a mattress, a pillow, or a sex toy, until ejaculation. While male masturbation tends to be focused on one sexual part, namely the penis, it is common and normal for it to be accompanied by stimulation of other areas.

How many men and women masturbate?

The best studies of this subject are now quite old. They found approximately 95% of men and about 60% of women claim to have masturbated. There is reason to think the figures for women would be higher if another comprehensive study were done today. This does not say how many people masturbate regularly. There are great variations in frequency of masturbation between individuals, and even for one person, the frequency of masturbation varies from time to time.

Can I masturbate too much?

Generally the answer is no. Masturbation usually involves friction, the possibility of blisters and friction burns exists, but this possibility can be greatly reduced with use of lubricants. In other words, nothing about masturbation is inherently damaging, and nothing about it becomes damaging just because it is done very often. On the other hand, nothing about masturbation provides an exemption from the physical laws governing any other form of physical activity. You CAN masturbate too much in the same way that you could run too much, or bike too much, or type too much. So, if your hand is cramping, or you are rubbing yourself raw, or it is starting to hurt, stop for a while. Most people are less likely to masturbate too much than they are to run too much or to work out too much or to play tennis too much, because most people will lose interest in masturbation (temporarily) after they have an orgasm. But because sexual issues are still highly sensitive ones in our society, many people who are in no danger of masturbating too much will worry about it. There are some very rare psychological disorders in which people masturbate almost constantly, but people who worry about masturbating too much are many times more common.

My penis goes off at an angle! Is this from masturbating?

No. Like ears, like noses, like feet, like all nonsexual body parts, the sex organs are subject to a wide range of variations that are perfectly normal. Any kind of sexual activity is likely to induce certain changes in the sexual parts, mostly swelling and color changes. These are entirely normal and temporary changes that accompany sexual arousal. The organs will return to their usual appearance shortly after sexual activity stops. It is entirely normal for the testicles to increase in size and to draw close to the body during extreme sexual arousal. It is entirely normal for the nipples to increase in sensitivity and to erect during sexual arousal--and just as normal for this to happen in males as it is normal when it happens in females. Flushing of the skin (reddening)--most noticeable in fair-skinned people, but present in others--is entirely normal in extreme sexual arousal, and virtually any part of the body may be affected (temporarily) although the face, shoulders, chest, and thighs are most commonly affected. It is entirely normal for the sexual organs to lubricate themselves during sexually arousal. In males this lubrication is called preseminal fluid ("precum" is usually the word used on a.s.m).Some people noticed these changes more during masturbation because during masturbation they can observe themselves more closely than they do when they have sex with a partner. It should also be noted, that these effects are highly variable. Not all males produce noticeable amounts of precum, while others produce large amounts whenever they are even slightly aroused, and in yet others the amount will depend upon the degree of sexual arousal and the duration of the sexual activity. In some cultures foreskins and vaginal lips are deliberately stretched, day after day, in a process that eventually changes their size and shape--just as some cultures encourage deliberate changes in the shapes of lips, earlobes, feet, or other body parts. Ordinary masturbation will not induce these changes.

In particular, masturbation will not affect:

Curves in the penis : Many penises have some greater or lesser degree of curve in them when they are erect, and particularly in younger men, the erect penis tends to point upwards (toward the belly) rather than outward. A few penises have sharp angles when erect. The differences are not caused by masturbation, and masturbation cannot change the shape of the penis. Very serious abnormalities in shape can sometimes be corrected by surgery, but masturbation has nothing to do with it.

Color of the skin of the sexual areas : Very commonly the color of the skin of the sex organs differs from the color of skin of the rest of the body. In light-skinned people, the sex organs often are darker than the rest of the body, while the opposite is often true of dark-skinned people. This really should not be surprising because the skin of these areas IS different from the skin of the rest of the body. If it was not different, people would have as much fun playing with their elbows as they do playing with their sexual parts. Masturbation does not cause the difference. Some, especially circumcised, males will notice great differences in color from one part of the penis to the other. This is especially noticeable on either side of the circumcision scar. Masturbation is not the cause of the color difference. It is just a coincidence that this color change is noticeable where a male is likely to place his hand when he masturbates.

Position and size differences of the testicles : It is normal for one testicle to be slightly larger than the other and for one to hang slightly lower than the other (if not for this latter, males would be constant racking themselves when they walked - i.e. the testes would be banging against one another painfully). Most people are not perfectly symmetrical in all their body parts--one foot is slightly larger than the other, one breast is slightly larger than the other, one hand is slightly larger that the other. These differences are perfectly normal and are not caused by masturbation. Also masturbation will not make one hand or arm bigger than the other - unless you usually masturbate with a dumbbell :) There is just not enough resistance involved for this activity to have a training effect on the arm and hand used. Right-handed people will still have slightly larger slightly better developed right hands and right arms, and it won't matter which hand they use to masturbate.

Will my penis get largeror smaller by masturbating it?

Larger. But only temporarily. Masturbation will neither retard nor accelerate the growth of the penis. Masturbation will neither increase nor decrease the eventual adult size of the penis, and when the penis has achieved its adult size nothing short of surgery can induce a permanent change in its size. The same pretty much goes for breast size. There is almost nothing an individual can do to affect the ultimate size of his penis or her breasts. Medicine can treat certain rare disorders in which people do not get enough of the right hormones at the right time, but giving these treatments to normal people does not produce good results. In particular, steroids and other male hormones that some bodybuilders take tend to *shrink* the testicles of otherwise normal males.

Will I catch a disease from masturbation?

No. You cannot get AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease from playing with yourself. These diseases are sexually TRANSMITTED, which means the germ that causes the disease (HIV in the case of AIDS) has to come from somewhere--and that somewhere is an infected partner. If you have the disease, you have the disease whether you masturbate or not. If you don't have the disease, you cannot get it by playing with yourself. Manual sex with a partner--that is where you touch the partner's organs with your hands, and vice versa--can theoretically provide an opportunity for the transmission of some kinds of sexually transmitted diseases, especially if semen or blood from one person comes in contact with broken skin of the other person. The risk involved in such activities is estimated to be extremely low, but it is NOT zero. Group masturbation (circle jerks) where you play with yourself and the other parties play with themselves do not involve the risk of transmission of sexually transmitted diseases if you don't come in contact with blood or semen from anyone except yourself and you don't touch anyone else's sexual parts. Naturally, you can catch a cold if another person sneezes. If you want the risk of STDs to remain zero, you have to avoid sharing sex toys or towels that may have fresh fluids on them.

Will I make myself sick if I eat my own cum?

You might make yourself nauseated if the idea disgusts you, but you won't get a disease and you won't poison yourself. There is nothing poisonous in semen. If you think about it, semen has to be suited to keeping sperm--which are human cells--alive. It is not going to contain anything that is generally toxic to human cells. It is mostly water, a simple sugar to keep the sperm alive, and protein. The sperm, of course, won't do you any harm because they will be killed by acids in your stomach. You cannot get AIDS or any other STD from eating your own semen. If the AIDS virus (HIV) is in your semen, then you are already infected with HIV, it already is in your blood stream, and swallowing some of your own semen is not likely to make matters worse. If you have some infection of the urethra (the tube in the penis that passes semen and urine) you are likely to know it. Unlike the anus, the interior of the penis and the stuff connected to it internally is clean and practically germ-free in healthy males. Finally, you are just not going to ejaculate that much semen at any one time: a couple of tablespoons is pretty much a peak ejaculation for a sexual athlete, and it will probably be less, or a lot less for an average guy under average conditions. Semen, however, does contain stuff that makes it a good growth medium, so if you save it up in open containers at room temperature something could grow in it that would disagree with you, pretty much the same way that something disagreeable might grow on a baloney sandwich left over from last week's lunch.

Will I go blind, bald, insane, grow hair on my palms, penis turn black and fall off from masturbating?

No. These are just old scare tactics to discourage people from doing it. Men's sexual organs are built to do two things: make sperm and semen, and ejaculate it out of the body. Once the semen and sperm are out of the penis, the body ceases to care what happens. The sex organs pretty much don't know and don't care what the source of the sexual stimulation is. Young men will sometimes get erections--and even, rarely, will ejaculate--as a result of vigorous physical activity, even in the absence of any specifically sexual stimulation. Most young men experience spontaneous erections when they were not consciously thinking sexual thoughts or doing anything to stimulate themselves. The male body does not know or care whether the semen ends up in a vagina or a throat or an anal cavity or in a tissue. In other words, so far as the body is concerned, masturbation is exactly the same as any other kind of sex. Anyone who says "You should have real sex instead of masturbating because masturbation causes X" where X is some bad thing, overlooks the fact that to the body masturbation is real sex. What masturbation means to the mind, is mostly up to you. Some people think masturbation is real sex as much as any other. Some people think of masturbation as a relief value for when "realer" kinds of sex are not available or would not be a good idea. Yet others think of masturbation as self-love and that masturbation is not an alternative to other kinds of sex, but is a complement to them. There are a variety of negative thoughts about masturbation too. A few of the old tales have just enough basis in fact to convince some people to believe them. For example, masturbation does NOT cause zits (pimples). But some people might think so because the hormones that cause the development of sexual urges are also the hormones likely to cause skin problems. This is a classic case of faulty cause-and-effect reasoning. People begin to get horny and to have the urge to masturbate or find other sexual outlets at about the same age that they first experience skin problems (if they ever do). But zits don't cause the hornies and the hornies don't cause zits. Instead both are caused by a third thing, which is the increase of sex hormones that occurs when a person approaches adulthood. Likewise, a person is likely to feel sex urges and start to masturbate at about the time that hair starts growing on various parts of the body that didn't have hair before. If someone tells him the lie that masturbation may cause hair to grow on his palms, he may believe it, because, after all, all this other hair has started growing where it did not grow before.

Although the above are myths that mostly males hear, the same general principles apply to females. The body just does not have some hidden nasty to spring on a person who masturbates because the body can't tell the difference between masturbation and other kinds of sexual arousal. Many people feel slightly tired or "let down" after masturbation or after other kinds of sex. This is entirely normal, and is not really much different than the feeling one gets after any other very exciting or vigorous activity is over. If you go to a concert that you have really been looking forward to, there IS a feeling of let-down when the music stops and the lights go up--in a very crowded place you can actually hear everyone making a little sigh at the same time. Although many of the most obvious feelings relating to sex are conveyed by direct nerve Impulses, others occur through the release of certain chemicals into the bloodstream (which is why some paraplegics who cannot feel their sex organs can nonetheless enjoy sex). These chemicals induce a quiet and relaxed state after sex which some people interpret as being sleepy.

The combination of the normal letdown after any exciting activity and the relaxed feelings that come from the chemicals released into the bloodstream at orgasm form the basis of several myths. The myths include stories that masturbation (or sex in general) has a weakening effect. Of course there is nothing to this myth.

Can a doctor tell if I've been masturbating?

In any form of sexual activity the body produces its own natural lubricants, men ejaculate, and in a variety of sexual activities people may add various lubricants. If you leave these substances on the body an observant doctor will be able to tell you have been doing something sexual. But even then there is no way he can be sure it was masturbation. If you clean yourself up before the examination, the doctor is not going to know what, if anything, you have been doing sexually. In some kinds of urine tests, it will be noted whether there is sperm in the urine or not. A lot of sperm in urine could indicate a prostate (or other) disorder or it could merely indicate that patient recently ejaculated. There is no way the test can tell what caused the ejaculation: whether it was masturbation or some other kind of sex or a wet dream.

Can my parents, guardian, spouse, other tell if I've been masturbating?

Probably not, but sometimes they can make a good guess. There are no telltale signs as far physical appearance is concerned. There are a few myths such as people who masturbate have bags under their eyes, or one biceps gets bigger than the other, or the person gets pale. You may have these "signs" or not, but they are not caused by masturbation and they won't go away if you stop masturbating. Some people are very sensitive to the smell of semen and semen does leave very distinctive stains on fabrics. But sexually competent males are likely to ejaculate in their sleep (have wet dreams), and this can explain stains on underwear or bed clothes, if explanations are necessary. Most parents are not dummies, and they will generally have a good guess why a person spends more time in the bathroom or what a particular kind of magazine hidden under a mattress is for. Likewise, if you have never been especially worried about the condition of your skin, but you start buying hand lotion by the case, people can put two and two together. Many adults are fairly regular in their sexual habits--perhaps more regular than they would like to admit. A spouse is very likely to notice any abrupt and significant change in frequency of sex. More usually a spouse who notices a change will think that possibly it indicates another sexual partner. It is the change that is likely to be noticed, and sometimes a spouse will not know when masturbation has been a consistent part of a person's sexual outlet. As military service is now less than universal and fewer students share rooms in dormitories, the questions of how roommates and others in close quarters deal with issue of masturbation is less common, but this is a recurring theme of posts to a.s.m. and suffice to say that no one solution can be offered that is successful in every situation.

Will I lose my ability to perform with a partner if I masturbate?

Not likely. Most people claim that masturbation helps a person develop a sense of what stimulus he or she needs to have an orgasm. Many people say that they develop better control through masturbation. Either way, as described above, there are no physical dangers to masturbation--you don't use up all your sperm. Some women cannot have orgasms during sex unless they stimulate themselves manually or get their partner to stimulate them manually. Some people claim this is because the women have trained themselves to respond to manual stimulation by masturbating. But the fact is that a large proportion of women do not get orgasms from coitus (fucking) alone whether they have masturbated or not. This is partly a matter of anatomy: coitus just does not provide the most vigorous stimulation where it counts for some women. There is an equally good argument that masturbation is good training for sex, and that some women are not orgasmic at all until they have learned to be comfortable with their bodies and to let go through masturbation.

On the male side there is sometimes the argument that because masturbation is usually quick--so that the activity can be concealed from others--masturbation may teach males to be premature ejaculators. This overlooks the fact that most young males are pretty quick on the trigger anyway, and that most of them have to make a conscious effort to learn to control their urge to ejaculate immediately regardless of the factor of masturbation. In particular, males who do not masturbate may build up levels of sexual tension that result in premature ejaculation--or so one theory goes. In fact, some sex therapists recommend a program that includes masturbation nearly to orgasm several times before the final release to help men who ejaculate prematurely learn to identify and to control the urge to ejaculate.

What to make out of all these theories? The truth is probably something near to this: masturbation and satisfactory sex with a partner involve different skills. In particular cases masturbation may help slightly or hinder slightly the learning of the skills necessary for satisfactory sex with a partner, but it is highly unlikely that masturbation will be a determining factor in the long run.

Will I become obsessed with masturbation?

People can become obsessed with any pleasurable activity (and also with some activities that are not so pleasurable). Unlike some other obsessions, many more people worry about becoming obsessed with masturbation than ever do become obsessed with it. One kind of comparison to make it to ask whether there would be a question of obsession if the activity was not related to sex. Take video games for example. For some people they are a compulsion. These people hardly do anything except sleep and play video games. Their grades may suffer, they may lose a job, they pay no attention to their personal hygiene, and so forth. From the outside it is easy to judge this as a compulsion and to see that it is interfering with their lives. On the other hand, on any given Saturday, a person who is NOT obsessed with video games might get a new video game and he might spend as much time on that particular Saturday playing video games as the video-game addict does. But for the noncompulsive player, the newness of the game will wear off and he'll only spend a few hours a week with the game, although there will still sometimes be days he spends more time at it than on other days.

Males tend to reach the peak of their sexual drives at an age that, in our society, does not offer them the most opportunities for sexual outlets other than masturbation. Some of them do masturbate a lot, but only a very few of them ever become compulsive about it. As with most questions relating to sex, many more people will worry about it than will ever have a real problem. But the worry itself can be a real problem. If you think you have a problem you may have a problem or the worrying about the problem may be the problem. In either case, seek competent advice.

Masturbation is only for people who can't get laid, right?

No. Some people do masturbate because there is no sexual partner in their lives, for whatever reason (and there are many good ones). However, many people who are married or involved in other sexual relationships continue to masturbate. Masturbation is just another form of sex play, and there are times when it is just what the person wants to do. Masturbation when alone is uncomplicated, since the person has complete and utter control of the progression of the act. Sometimes a person wants an orgasm without having to involve other people, for any of many valid reasons. Masturbation while being watched by a partner can be very erotic. Many men love to watch their partners masturbate, and dream of it if they do not. Many women feel the same way. Mutual masturbation is an avenue that leads to much enjoyment. Discontinuation of masturbation after marriage or the start of some other sexual relationship simply denies people a lot of opportunities for erotic play. Anyway, it is a good bet that people who tell you masturbation is only for people who aren't getting laid, probably are not getting laid themselves. People who have happy and fulfilling sex lives don't feel the need to brag about it or to tear down other people.

Should I use a lubricant? What kind of lubricant should I use?

That depends on your personal preference. Many men use lubricants because they find the friction of masturbating a dry penis is too uncomfortable. Others learn to masturbate before they think of using a lubricant and never feel a need to include lubricants. Occasionally when lubricants are discussed on a.s.m., some person trying to be helpful will warn you never to use oil-based lubricants because of the danger of AIDS. Of course, this person has not stopped to think that there is no danger of AIDS in masturbating yourself. Oil- (or fat-) based lubricants will dissolve the latex in condoms, and even if the condoms do not break, tiny holes may develop in them that would allow for the transmission of disease. But there is no reason you cannot use oil-based lube (and condoms if you wish) for playing with yourself. Water-base lubricants like K-Y Jelly are safe for condoms. But sometimes such lubricants are less than satisfactory for masturbation because in masturbation the lubricant is constantly exposed to the air and tends to dry out. Water-based lubricants are much easier to wash off.